currently flashing in and out of every level of my consciousness, my mind is a computer— furiously extracting each memory that has impacted my life’s direction, downloading them into the forefront of my conscience. residing on my lonesome, i’ve found myself acting in a selective manner when it comes to those that i care about. stepping back from the ubiquitous nature of my home life in connecticut, nearly 200 miles away, i have gradually realized that 85% of the people, places, and occurrences i’d engaged in/with and cherished hold near weightless to me.
with that dismal note, i must add that this distance has not only helped me to see who ‘matters,’ i have come out of this with stronger friendships/relationships, and mutual understandings between myself and a select few. almost as though this distance has pulled me closer to some. i could not be happier— i’ve been smiling all day over one person in particular. that has never happened.
drove down to boston— an hour and a half away from where i’m staying in maine— to see saintseneca. a full gas tank and new car battery later, i am happy to say that i could not have had a better evening. between the music, walking around cambridge and where i used to live, and the long rainy drive back home, i’ve endured a roller-coaster of thoughts and emotions. with the after taste of a slow and painful break-up, i find myself reflecting a whole lot— prying myself away from my own memories, forcing myself to let go of thoughts that no longer comfort me, ones that are manifesting themselves into destructive energies, biting at me like piranhas to prey.
i try to be hopeful and positive, ‘there’s someone out there for me somewhere.’ but that train of thought usually ends itself with ‘living alone may not be so bad…’